Citizenship for the Future

By now, you all know me and my oorah posts.  Well, here is another one.

Citizenship isn't something you do for class credit, or because you know people are looking, or even because it benefits someone who matters to you. It is doing the right thing, without being asked or told to, when needed, often with some or great inconvenience, because it is simply the right thing to do.

The other day, I heard about a little girl who stood up to a bully on a bus. What is right is right, what is wrong is wrong.  While I fully concede that life is not nearly that black and white, how we treat people, the intent and spirit of the treatment and interaction matters greatly.

So we decided that it was time to establish an award. I spoke with the little girl's Dad, who told me that she loved pink and purple, so the hair ties below were designed just for her. I made a couple extra because I liked the design so well, and those will go into the merchandise available, but the two below went in a box with a note to the little girl thanking her for being the kind of person who makes the world a better place, and one to the little girl's mama. As a parent of a child who was bullied, those actions matter.

I know folks often read me quoting Gandhi, and "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." I am also in a position to recognize those who stand up to be that change, and I hope that somehow that helps the positive worldview contagious.

So here is the deal. Know someone we should recognize? Shoot me an email or message. Tell me about it, and we will figure out the best way to recognize them, be it award, or helping them in their endeavors to make the world a better place, or whatever is appropriate to the specific case. 

For tonight, great job to those parents, and to that very strong young lady.  All the best to you!

Today calls for a little reflection, and a dream for the future...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KwEuNapzt0&list=PLD7019FD242C5F51D

This might seem like an odd song choice for this post. Read on.

12 years ago today, the towers were attacked. I don't think about that once each year, it is a part of our daily life. That day, my husband was away on his annual elk hunt with his buddies. We didn't know what was truly behind the attacks at first, so the unit told the boys to finish their hunt, no one knew if or when they would get a chance to do it again, once they knew who had carried out the attacks.

We didn't know it, but Wyatt was already on his way into this world.

Charlie spent much of the next eleven years travelling, in support of the conflicts or the border mission, or whatever. We have been through lots if ups and downs, a bizarre economy, crazy bullying of our daughter at the hands of youth and adults who worked together to carry it out, but in the end acted with impunity, and learning to take charge of the children's education and stand up for what we believe in.

This afternoon I read a post from a friend on Facebook whose daughter had stepped in to stop some bullies on a school bus. What better way to create a better world than to stand up for what is right in simple evryday life.

My dream... that we raise our children to be leaders who know how to stand up for those who cannot, but without being pushed around themselves.  I hope that when we pass this world on to our children, that our world will have the opportunity to be still filled with promise and possibility, that they will take the lead  in the traditional prayer that recognizes that all our neighbors are a part of us. That life is a circle, where whatever someone does to someone else, they do to themselves.

There are good people, and scary unkind ones, in all walks of life. I dream that on a day like today, the good can lay down the expectations of what neighbors should be, and to be those people themselves.

Whether you believe in the same things as him or not, to essentially understand and to live by the commandment to "love one another", to also" Be the Change you wish to see in the world."

Operation: Our Life, Our Way

Forgive this very long post.  I have been asked several times of late, why after moving Bailey to home school, and finishing the year with Wyatt, we are still not out and about like folks expect us to be.  After so long of trying to tow the line of other folks, we are taking some time to recapture our life and set things back on our own path.  So here is the reality, folks...

Sometimes it feels like things break faster than you can fix them, doesn't it?  For the last several years, I have made the commute to take the kids to schools in town, and working in a different part of town.We really just thought that was the way things had to be when you live outside of town, and want the kids in a school which has really good opportunities, and with our oldest in High School she was going to have to go that far now regardless, right?

Well, after all of these years of other people's demands wearing on us and driving until there was no energy left, and our daughter going through some incredibly intense bullying- we pulled her out of school.  I was fortunate enough that in the process of trying to keep the kids an an extra-curricular they loved, but get them away from some negative influences, we found our way into a 4H group full of home school-ers, who have been so very welcoming and gracious in guiding me along the way.

When I pulled her out, we were all worried about her AP program, and another mom calmly informed me about just how many things I could provide here at home, and that I didn't need to be at the mercy of the school.  I have certainly had my eyes opened to the options in the last year!

When I learned that the interventions Wyatt was supposed to be involved in for his processing issues weren't really happening, and I was driving all that way and leaving him exhausted, and still trying to make time for for extra work with him at home, and feeling terribly guilty about how little time he spent being a kid, I started thinking seriously about keeping him home, too.  I wasn't really sure it was what he would want, so I left it open ended and told him it would be a lot of work and that he would have to start in the Summer and be able to listen to me as teacher and Mama.

At the same time, it all sounded so simple, which is where you know it will be hard, right?

So Bailey and I went to the home-school convention.  I had already been picking up curriculum here and there, and knew the really expensive stuff would be the really good language program I wanted for them. (Nope, haven't shelled out for that one yet.)  And that I would have to track the grading and get through the work with them, on top of working and keeping the farm going.  We also had a little under our belts, working through three plus months of the year at home with her.

I gave Wyatt the first week after school was out off from school.  It seemed fair- everyone needs a break, and then I have added one subject each week.  It isn't all smooth sailing, but here is the thing...

When those folks set Bailey up for the bullying, they made her first give up her Sunday mornings.  If she really wanted to learn anything she had to do it their way.  Much of life went that way, conforming to other folks until the way we wanted to do things seemed lost, and time for ourselves was a struggle to squeeze in.

So part of home schooling, and this new approach to life is really about putting the values of our family front and center again, and putting our life back together.  We are far from perfect, but the kids need a good strong educational foundation, and Bailey needs to fill in the gaps from the behavior issues in the school  she had attended, and Wyatt needs to do the work for his processing issue, and be challenged instead of grouped with the kids who don't care.

I would love to say that the first week off, we went to church.  We didn't.  In fact, we are still planning, and still trying to dig out from how behind we all felt here.  The kids are growing healthier each day.  We are still quite busy rearranging chicken groups and rebuilding coops and roofs and doing some much needed cleaning.  Last week we cleaned the kids' carpets and bought a new desk for the family, though while we were doing that a wind storm came through and did this to Bailey's doe barn.

So, we took a break from other chores, and Charlie helped us put it back to where Bailey and I could work on it again.  Next up for today is reattaching the fence to the barn at the far right corner.  Then getting the new upright support in to the wall you see slumping on the left.  The plan had been for the Buckeye pen expansion to share a common fence wall where the fence will reattach to the barn, but will still be in progress while we work on the repairs.

We took some time this weekend to enjoy a fire and the Super Moon.  Charlie thinks I should still use a flashlight during watering even with the beautiful moon because of rattlesnake season.  Bummer, he is likely right.  I just need more hours of daylight after sunset =).

Well, I don't make a habit of explaining myself very often, but I did today.  We will keep sharing pictures as we move forward toward our goals for the farm and as a family.  Hope you all have a great day!

Sunday Morning Takeback

One of the kids jogs up to the porch and turns up the country music station on the radio.  I can hear Wyatt and Shadow playing their way through chores.  The buzzer on the dryer goes off, good timing since I just finished some watering on the back porch.

These are the weekend mornings that I have been missing.  And the time I (and the kids)have been craving at home.  A year ago, I took on an additional part time job to help with the time between the semesters, and keep my teaching skills current, teaching aerobics at a health club in town.  I hadn't done it in a while.  They required two classes, which was good for me to fill in between semesters, but the two they had available were Saturday and Sunday.  So that really chopped up the weekends.  I had to move form Saturday to Monday when the 4-H year began, and it was only in the last few weeks that I was able to move from the Sunday to the Fridays.

I began that time in bed sick, and have been crawling my way back.  Now, with Wyatt out of school, we will begin to establish a system of chores and homeschooling, working on a positive flow of time and a balance in our lives of fun, work and family time.  Some of that is just going to take time, patience and practice.
 

Just as each new day, and each new life, bring promise and possibility, so does each new change in phase of life.We are meant to take these opportunities and reach forward and up, and make something special that glorifies all that like is, and all that we can do in our world.  After being backed into a corner time-wise by bullies, and spending all those years driving so much so the kids could attend school in town, is was more than time for a change.

So the next phase of our like will be consistently manicured, with exercise together, family time in fun and hobbies, and farm work,

Careful and thoughtful education of the kids so they have the opportunities to learn and grow, but with balance between classroom and practical learning,

and more.  I don't expect this to be a smooth and easy ride.  I know there will be bumps in the road and truth be told, the transition is slow already.  But I am more than ready to live the life I preach- balance in all things.  Watch for more updates on learning to home school and  the farm life transition.

Hope you all have a magnificent week!

Mission Statement

I would bet that when you clicked on this, you thought it would be all about the mission statement of the farm, right?  Well, I will get to that.  But it is really about life balance and doing the things we do best, and knowing our limits.  This is especially for those who feel so responsible as the consummate volunteers that they overextend themselves to the point of frazzled.  Anyone fit that description?

If you ask my husband, I have no room to talk in this department, and he would be partly right.  But over the last couple years of our daughter being bullied by adults and the major life changes that have come with job changes and farming and beginning to home school the kids, there has been a great deal of self-reflection and people watching.  Some of the people watching was to look for answers, some to learn to listen the warning signs so my children wouldn't be hurt again.

And I have learned a lot of things from this self reflection.

First, I need to learn to set boundaries and quit bending over backward to try to make people be nice when they are out to get someone.  No amount of being nice will undo someone with the bent to bully.  Once they have plotted and potted and bullied for so long, it doesn't matter.  So set boundaries, and expect people to live up to their end of the bargain.  You really can call people out on it and still have manners.  Also, once the passive aggressive bully stuff starts, it really is time to walk away.

Second, no amount of good intentions fix overworked bad behavior.  I had repeatedly, over the course of the last year, told my son that someone who was involved with the folks who bullied my daughter was likely not involved in the mess, and even as all should be treated with respect, this one was still there with the right intentions as well.  I was surprised to see her also volunteering at yet another event, and realized she was quite curt with my son and I at check in.  I figured little of it, though my son noticed, and I told him to let it go.

I am guessing that the person was there volunteering, yet again, because she felt no one else would do it.  I am also guessing that is why she laid into him, screaming, until he was on the verge of tears right before his turn at competition.  If you are so frazzled that you forget why you volunteered i the first place, then you need to step back and say, I would love to help, but I really cannot do that today.  That speaks volumes.  And if you are worried no one else will do it, read the next part.

Third, people really do, for the most part want to step  up, even when they on't know how.  Sure there are lunatics who have mean spirited intentions and would destroy a child to see their win, who would lie and cheat to get their way.  But despite the experience we had lately, I have seen far more good folks.  In fact, when we joined a home school group of folks who had been together forever, people have consistently reached out to include my children.

Additionally, some people who have been the consummate volunteers, the glue that have held programs together, have had to  step down for health or family reasons.  They knew they could not make it all work anymore.and stepped down.  We miss them terribly.  The parents remaining knew we could not do it all, but kept telling one another we would help anyone willing to be the figurehead.  Then one parent stepped forward.  You might think that everyone stepped back.  But they didn't.  The one that stepped forward is one of those great organizers.  She put each of us in charge of what we felt we could handle, and then set us to work.  We all had a responsibility in the final outcome.  It might have been a little ragtag, but the mission was to save the project for the kids- and do it well, without taking the project into debt.  So however imperfect, it still worked.

I know a lot of other farm folks out there who have some really cool goals.  Like the folks over there at the hen house, who select charities to donate the proceeds of their baked goods and eggs to.  They select different charities each time, based upon what they feel strongly about, and don't worry about saving the world, just making a difference every day.

My husband is an avid outdoors-man.  He and his father and our son- who all look like different ages of the same person, mind you- go out on the desert cleanups with the other hunters.  They will put tremendous energy into a single day cleanup and hauling all of the destructive mess out of the environment.  He knows where his limits are, but works with recycling efforts and will take the kids on an afternoon walk along the road by the farm to pick up a bag of garbage and a bag of cans.

Here at the farm, I have my "Mama" mission, as well as us having our farm mission.  The Mama Mission is all about raising children in the crazy world, and not becoming jaded by the crazies.  Raising good, mannerly kids who follow through and work hard.  And while not living with constant suspicion, setting boundaries on the drama that is allowed to mess with our life as a family.

As for the farm, we don't believe in the feed lot system of raising livestock, which can be quite a challenge in the desert.  So we raise goats and chickens as naturally as we possible can, with lots of room to play and roam, but with fences so the rooster get along and the predators don't get to them.  We raise veggies in pots and in the ground, and try new varieties each year, working with heirloom and organic varieties.  We are also working on being good stewards of this environment.  We use the shade of trees to prolong our growing season, and harvest water from the roof, composting the much and food waste to improve our yields.  And we don't hide what we learn, whether it is good or bad.  We share so that we can help others do better, too.

That isn't a fancy mission statement with pretty phrases for either one.  But does encompass the goals we have for hte farm, and the goals I maintain for myself.   We aren't perfect, but we don't expect anyone else to be, either.  But maybe we can all do a better job if we work together.

So, what is your mission statement?  How do you do with keeping it in mind?  Any tips for saying no to keep from overextending?  Or for knowing when to say when?  Life is an ongoing exercise in balancing the multiple priorities and staying true to yourself and your mission.  Spring cleaning and summer downtime are great for refocusing hte mission and looking at commitments for the coming year so that you can manage what is on your plate successfully and happily,  Care to share your mission?